I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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