i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
