My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
