the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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