I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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