I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
