For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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