I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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