glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i came on her dog
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
