After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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