And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
