They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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