I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize