Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize