Betty ford says i'm here all night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
