Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
