I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to make a zoo with you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
