why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
