We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize