I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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