sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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