I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He shit in the fireplace
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