well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
