This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
