He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
