Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I looked at my own cervix.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's the barista slut.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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