College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
