I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
