I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
