Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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