i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize