Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there was a trapeze. enough said
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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