forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
