you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
