Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
