ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
