...so i touched it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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