FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
