You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
