are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
