Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
