need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
