She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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