We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize