So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
