You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
