i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
