Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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