Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
