the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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