What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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