fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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