I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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