so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
