need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
