under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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