just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
