I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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