I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
