Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
