if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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