i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
