I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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