No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
