I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
