I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
