so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
