I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
