Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
