Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just invented taco cereal.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
