did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
