I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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