I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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