They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
3 2 1 whiskey
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
