remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize