her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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