The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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