So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
