so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
