We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
