Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
