Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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