I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
