Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
