I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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