this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
