margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
