He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
