y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
operation have a gay friend backfired
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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