i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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