I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
