So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
