watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
