He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
