yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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