In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
