there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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