I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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