dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bring money and cleavage
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
