I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
