theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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