I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
