she was so not down for the gang bang
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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