Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
