Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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