The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
