Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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