1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
