I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
