wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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