My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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