Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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