Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
