somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
